"There's a lot to learn about Joan."

I have a friend. You aren't supposed to be shocked by that statement. This friend thinks that I have poor taste in donuts. So he thinks that he's going to school me on the fine art of donut selection. Little does he know that I don't even like donuts. I spent a good portion of my childhood getting very upset with boxes of donuts. In fact, when I was in high school i wrote a song about my dislike of donuts appropriately entitled "The Donut Song," and performed it at an open mic night. Needless to say it was quite a hit among my friends at Gahanna Lincoln High School.
I let his condescension slide as he signed off facebook chat today, but only to let him feel like he knows what he's talking about because I'm a humanitarian.
It wasn't until I went to Canada for vacation with my family in 1994 that I had a donut I liked. The only problem was these donuts were only sold in Canada. What donuts were they? Tim Hortons. Oh man. I have yet to eat a donut from Tim Hortons that I haven't liked.
The thing is, I almost feel sorry for my friend because his efforts are going to prove fruitless. When they finally brought Tim Hortons to Ohio (and down the street I might add) my life became complete. To prove that Tim Hortons is the best place to get donuts let's look at a small, simple fact.
Utah has yet to get a Tim Hortons. Do you know why that is? Because Utah is the worst state in the Continental United States (obviously Alaska is the worst state, but we'll leave it alone for this post). We all know how much I hate Utah, and Utah's idea of a delicious donut is the vomit-inducing Dunkin Donuts. It's true, the entire time I lived in Utah I didn't eat a donut.
When I asked a spokesman from Tim Hortons why Utah is without their delicious donut chain his response was this: "Utah is dumb."
Well put anonymous spokesman from Tim Hortons that I probably made up.
So to make a long story a little less long, bring it on Chris Sorenson. Do your worst.

*edit*
Due to overwhelming demand, here are the song lyrics for "The Donut Song"
The Donut Song By: Valerie Mizer
*Based on actual events

Sitting in my hotel room, there wasn't much for me to do,
I heard a rumble in my gut, I was craving a donut.
I got into my car and drove, could only think of donut dough,
Into the store I bought the stuff, I sure hope that I got enough.
Sitting in my room again, I opened up the box of 10,
I tried to choose which one to eat, the sprinkled one's the one for me.
I picked it up, I took a bite, something about it wasn't right,
I put it down and chose this time a cream filled one, my favorite kind.
That one tasted funny too, the baker there, he must be new,
Donuts suck, I'm sure of it. Now how can I dispose of this?
The hotel room it had a ledge, a balcony, so on the edge,
I brought the donuts that I bought, I planned to throw the whole dang box.
Arrested by the cops again, I guess that it's illegal when,
you throw your doughnuts off a ledge, it hit somebody on the head.
Some idiot just standing there, when he could be standing anywhere,
who knows what he was doing there, he now has sprinkles in his hair.
Sitting in my prison cell, my cell mate's name is Jezebell,
he asked me what I'm in here for,
Throwing my Donuts off the Seventh Floor.

"If I kiss you where it's sore will you feel better?"

I learned something important tonight.
Tonight sucked.
That's not what I learned.
For months now I've been so proud of the fact that I'm becoming more and more independent. What I found out tonight is I'm not half as independent as I should be.
I mean, I pay my bills. I have my own phone, car, blah blah blah...all the things that make me superficially independent, but when it comes down to it my independence is so transparent.
I rely so much on other people for my happiness. I don't know why I do it, but I do.
I'm making a really tough move into going to the singles ward full time at church. For those who don't know the singles ward is where all of the unmarried college age people go in an attempt to marry us off.
This is really hard for me. I don't know many people there. The ones I do know don't really like me all that well, and I'm not the best at making friends anymore.
I've gotten to a point where I have a solid group of friends that I just love. They make me very happy. As most of you know I have issues with trusting new people. Whether or not I'm justified in my being suspicious of people's actions isn't the point.
My biggest hurdle to try to get over is the "D word."
Not many people at the singles ward know my secret. I would say a good handful do, but as for the general populous...they're kind of in the dark. Not because I'm keeping it a secret. I just don't go around proclaiming it to the world. I figure it's one of those "need to know basis" kind of things.
But really, how many 21 year old divorced girls are there at the singles ward?
And why do I let it make me so vulnerable?
A boy was mean to me tonight. This boy has been mean to me since I was fourteen. I have no idea why. He just doesn't like me.
He said a few things to me tonight that hurt my feelings, and I took it really personal. The thing that hurt the most was seeing my best friend (pay attention! this is one of those people that I'm talking about relying on too heavily for my happiness) laugh along with him.
She didn't come to my rescue.
I got really bitter about the whole thing.
As I fumed over this for the past couple hours I realized something. Why didn't I laugh along? It was just a joke at my expense. Why was I waiting for my friend to back me up? Why was it her responsibility to make this bad situation turn into a happy one?
So this is my conclusion: I'm an adult and I don't need anyone to hold my hand through tough times. Yes, I've gone through some really hard things pretty recently, but isn't it time to let go? Isn't it time to bear the world on my shoulders again instead of sharing it with people around me? So from here on out...I'm going to man-up, soldier on, and all those other Sylvester Stallone inspired phrases.
Side note: why do they call him Sly? It's spelled S-y-l...oh well.
Time to make my own happiness!

"I know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends"

I hate boys.

I hate boys that live hundreds of miles away. I hate boys in different time zones. I hate boys that withhold important information until really inopportune moments. I hate boys that drink and smoke. I hate boys that are virtually unattainable. I hate boys that gloat. I hate boys who are famous. I hate boys that sing duets with girls in movies. I hate boys who are needy. I hate boys that are busy. I hate boys that are afraid of commitment. I hate boys that don't exercise and brag about it. I hate boys that have an enormous ego. I hate boys that don't like me. I hate boys that like me. I hate boys that confuse and tease for fun. I hate boys that leave girls. I hate boys that aren't older than me. I hate boys that are shorter than me. I hate boys that love too much. I hate boys that look at other girls when I'm around. I hate boys that hate other boys. I hate boys that don't maintain personal hygiene. I hate boys that expect me to shave my legs every day. I hate boys that take advantage. Boys are dumb. They hurt peoples' feelings.

I hate boys. End of story.

"I know a short-cut along the stone wall, where evergreen soldiers point their branches..."

It's the downhill side of 2 a.m.
What am I doing up?
Nothing. :) Nada.
Can't sleep.
So here I am. Pecking away at these keys.
What do I have to say?
Nothing. :) Nada.
My brain is already asleep, I think.
The rest of me just needs to catch up.
I did it to myself, though.
I can't stop thinking about this trip to Utah.
It's exciting and probably ill-timed.
I guess the World Cup qualifying match tomorrow between U.S. and Mexico will be exciting.
I hope we win.
I might watch it with Brent.
He likes soccer.
My tummy is upset.
Did you enjoy this post?

"This is my face covered in freckles"

I went to get my paycheck today. I want to discuss an interesting topic...

I recently got a promotion with which a considerable pay raise is expected. Well, as Dick's Sporting Goods likes to do, I got screwed. I didn't get my raise. :( Needless to say I was upset. Since I didn't get my raise I can't afford to pay some of my bills this month. So I went to go talk to my manager...who was conveniently shut away in his office in an "interview."

So I see my favorite manager Brad Little. This guy is seriously the best. I stop in to say and ask him to let Alan know I needed to talk. He says, "What's wrong sweet pea? You look upset."

And I lose it right there. I just start crying about how I only get 5 hours a week, and without my raise I can't afford life on that few hours.

How can someone as inconsequential as a manager (that doesn't even cover my department) reduce me to a miserable shell of my bright, bubbly self?

The answer: Because he cares.

And it all came out. Everything. I can't afford my bills, my dad is losing his job, my mom has to have surgery, my dog is dying, my heart has been acting up...and all I want is more hours and the raise I was promised.

Brad just sat and listened to my problems patiently. That's all. I wasn't looking for any kind of answer just someone to pretend they cared for a moment. I'm sure Brad has problems of his own, and they're probably bigger than mine. But for that moment he cared.

After I was done he says to me, "I'll look into your raise for you. Would you like that?"

Ugh, he's the best.

Granted he'll probably get very busy and forget to ask, but the fact that he was willing to be there for me when I needed it was enough for me.

So good news faithful blog followers! The recent barrage of depressing posts is coming to an end. I just needed a good cry/get everything off my chest session and I'm good as new!

To those who have tried the past couple days to get me to open up (you know who you are) it's not that I didn't want to talk to you...I just wasn't ready until today. I had to get to the breaking point, and Brad was the one that just happened to be around for it.

"She greets the day with her hair wet, and asks them to vacate the building..."

Ok this one's gotta be quick.
Just have to get it out of my system.
I really need my best friend right now. I love her more than anything. She's the best at getting me through tough times, but right now all she can talk about is how much she misses Cameron. There's so much that I need to tell her. I need her to understand and sympathize with me. Just for a few seconds...just to get it all off my chest so I can move on. What happened to her? Where did she go? I'm slowly being replaced in her life...she's even found someone else to watch zombie movies with. That's something she does with me.
Sigh.

"There is nothing for me but to love you"

So I've found lately that I've been more than eager to dole out advice to people...but rarely listen to what I'm saying. I feel like maybe I've been alienating friends and family because I can be...what's the word? A jerk. I consider myself an outspoken person and I'm not afraid to say much. However, I rarely concern myself with what it is I'm really saying. Who do I hurt with the things I say? Are the consequences of what I'm saying potentially harmful?
I have a thought on where it's all come from. About 6 months ago I went out of my way to be extra nice to everyone around me. I was upbeat and cheerful all the time. No matter what situation I ran into I saw the "silver lining." I believe I got to the point where I was being insincere to myself and those around me. I was pretending that I wasn't hurting or frustrated.
I need to somehow find a balance between embracing my pain and lashing out, and being sickeningly happy about everything.
So here's my goal: I'm going to try to be honest with my feelings when things happen; yet at the same time make sure I'm not being tactless and harsh to those around me.
I think at first it's going to be difficult because it's not natural. The natural way to deal with things for humans is to either act on the first impulse on how they feel about something, or push it down and pretend like everything is okay. I think this is a good goal for me because it'll seriously change the way I am to everyone near and dear. ;)
**Disclaimer**
If you notice that things aren't working out the way I plan them to (I plan for the world to come together in a beautiful harmony...or at least improve my snarky attitude) PLEASE let me know. remind me of this blog, and say something really douche-y like, "Valerie, I thought you said you weren't going to be a jerk anymore?" I could probably use a shot of humility to the face...or five

"How can I explain that you did everything the right way?"

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about really important matters. Example: I feel like my life is split in two. Part of me LOVES Ohio! I adore it. My family, friends, the weather...Ohio has it all. I grew up here. Ohio has seen some truly massive moments of my life...however...there is a BIG big part of my heart that's left in Utah. Oh Utah. The mountains, my old roommies (most of them anyway), the places...Utah has it all.

Another big topic I've been thinking about is how far I've come in the past year. So much has happened to me since last January. It's crazy how fast time goes...especially when there's a lot going on. I'm just so thankful for all the support and love I've gotten. :) I know I say it a lot, but thanks to all my friends and family. You guys are the definition of unconditional love.