"Please, be cruel to me."

I've been having a very intense time lately. I say intense because it isn't hard or stressful per se. Things are just life or death lately!
I went on my big vacation. I've been making huge and important new decisions for my life. I started a new job today. Big changes.

And I'm tired.

I realized something today. I'm not as okay as I've come to think I am. I haven't dealt with a lot of things, and because of that I'm pushing people away. At the same time I've come to realize something much more important.
The most important thing in my life...no in the entire world, is my membership and testimony in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Sometimes I feel like I'm so alone, but I know that no matter what the Lord is always there to be my friend. Sometimes I feel like no one cares about what's going on in my life, but every night when I get on my knees the Lord listens to everything I have to say, and He never interrupts! Thanks to my testimony I'm never alone. Sometimes I forget it for brief moments, but at the end of the day it's always the Lord and me. Goodness the love that He has for me is so encouraging!

Sidebar - Lemme tell you about my day...in dramatic satire ;)
Scene: As the sun rose this morning so did I. I sleep in the basement so I wasn't really aroused by sunlight so much as my blaring alarm clock playing the song "Calle Ocho" By: Pitbull.
I pick up my phone and turn the annoying repetition of those smutty Spanish lyrics off, and begin my ascent of the basement stairs. I stumble into the family room sporting one massively disheveled ponytail plastered to the side of my face with a mixture of sweat and saliva, and what looks to be Native American war paint but in actuality is really the left-over remains of yesterday's makeup. My mother greets me with a warm, "Good morning Sleeping Beauty!" whilst in her downward-facing-dog pose, and I grunt a response, "Gronnornnin." I turn the corner and face yet another set of stairs. I opt for a comfortable spot on the couch instead. Mom is watching an entertaining movie with Colin Firth in it. I can't resist his big blue eyes and dainty British accent; I quickly become enthralled in the movie. My stomach calls out its protests and demands I fill it. An epic battle rages in my head! "Yes sir we've got quite a crowd this morning as we get ready to watch Colin Firth take on Valerie's cranky Tummy!" Colin wins.
As the credits roll nearly half an hour later I look at the clock and realize I'd better take a shower. I rise from the couch and trudge up the stairs. After yet another staircase (why does this house have so many gosh darn stairs!?) I'm standing at the linen closet trying to decide what color towel I'm feeling like this morning. I reach for a blue one, but see the coveted forest green towel hiding in the back. For those who aren't aware, the forest green towel is a big deal in the Mizer house. It's the biggest, softest towel we own, and it's not rare to see one or more of us fighting over it. This is my lucky day. I grab the towel and head for the bathroom.
Once I'm all clean (please, did you really think I'd go into detail about my naked time?) I wrap myself in the afore mentioned forest green towel and retreat back down all three flights of stairs. Shut in my bedroom I listen to a load of whites being tossed around in the dryer just outside my door. This leads to musical fantasies about how nice it'll be when I move out of my parents house again. After a good ten minute pause in my routine I get back to business. The thought smears across my mind that today is my first day at my new job. I had totally forgotten! My mental meltdown is interrupted by a resounding knock at my door..."Valerie?"
"I'm naked!!" I sing back to my mother.
"Don't forget I washed that shirt you wanted to wear to work today. It's out here hanging up."
Blast.
"Thanks, Mom!"
Then the dogs start to go crazy. Sam is barking like a mad...dog and clawing at the window while Fancy bays out her strained, gravelled howl. What in the world!?
Mom runs back upstairs to assay the dogs. I hear the front door open. Someone is cooing the dogs names. Who could possibly be here this early?
No time. I have to get ready for work, and it's going to take a while because I've got to look GoooOOOOooood on my first day. Makeup goes on. I creep out of my room wrapped in the forest green towel in an attempt to retrieve the shirt for today, praying that whomever is here won't decide they need to take a trip to the basement. Once I'm shut safely back in my room I get dressed. I look in the mirror to check out the job I've done preparing myself to look GoooOOOOooood. I look good. That's not what I'm going for. What about the mixed capital and lower case o's?? Then suddenly I know what it is that will put me over the top.
I bust out the curling iron.
Another knock at the door.
"Valerie!"
Annoyed.
"Yes, Mother?"
"Your Grandma is here. It'd be nice if you came out and saw her before we leave to go to lunch. Can you please put some clothes on??"
..."I'll be up in a minute..."
I check the clock. Hopefully Grandma can keep this reunion brief. I've got hair to curl.
**For the complete story email Valerie at vrmizer@yahoo.com