"Your hair was long when we first met."

So a few of you have seen this blog coming for quite sometime.
There's this guy :)
He is truly amazing. Over the past little while our relationship has really grown. We talk every night. I don't really know what to say. He loves me and I feel the same way. He knows all of my faults and my mistakes. And still He loves me. I've told Him everything and He listens to it all. When I'm sad or lonely He's right there comforting me. He wraps his loving arms around me and let's me know that it's all okay. We've known each other for a long time, but we haven't really been this close before. I've experienced more love from Him than anyone I've ever known. He's given me some of the most amazing things. Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without Him.
If you're wondering who this amazing man is...It's my Father in Heaven.
And we all have the opportunity to have a relationship with Him as long as we act on it. He's waiting to be there for us. All we have to do is give Him that chance to be in our lives.

"One of these mornings you're gona rise up singing"

You get two today ;)

I had yet another profound conversation with a good friend today. The part from this conversation I'd like to talk about is: I think I need to figure out how to make where I am good.

He told me that he's contemplating moving out of state to go to another school. He mentioned that he ended up here in Ohio because he didn't really know what else to do. He said that he feels like there are things missing here that he might have if he were somewhere else.

I think at one point in everyone's lives we all feel this way. For me it was right after I moved back from Utah. It's the whole "grass is greener" idea, but I think at some point you have to realize that anywhere you go is going to be missing something from where you've been.

I think happiness is what you make it...not where you're at. I think where you're at can play a big role in your happiness, but when it comes down to it we all have the potential to be perfectly happy anywhere we are. It's a matter of taking your lemons and making some lemonade.

I feel like this post has become riddled with cliches.

Another mistake that I think Christians in particular make is they assume that when they aren't happy it must be because they aren't doing what they're "supposed to be doing." Again, I firmly believe that our happiness is dependent on our making it. As people we get stir crazy thinking, "man, things just aren't going the way I wish they would for me here. I bet if I move there and start over everything will work itself out." What we often times come to find out is that things were better before we moved away and tried to make things better with a change of scenery. We're then haunted by all the things we had and what we're missing. Eventually some of us move back in an attempt to reclaim everything we've lost.

On the other hand sometimes a change of location is exactly what we need to get our lives straightened out. I have several very good friends whose lives benefited from moving and starting over. Sometimes things can get so beyond repair that you have to just start from scratch.

The important thing to remember is that what it ultimately comes down to is what is going to be right for you in the end. If you do decide that moving is the right answer you have to be prepared for the fact that after all is said and done it may have been a mistake. You have to be ready to accept defeat and in most cases go back to where you started from and try again. The idea of moving and trying something new is a cruel mistress. :) It can't be entered into lightly, and before deciding upon it I think it's important to figure out if you can't make the right here and right now pretty fantastic.

"Waiting for the rain to stop...destination's beautiful."

So I haven't blogged in a while. I didn't think anyone had really noticed...and yet I have a fan!! :D
(I love ya, D!)
So yesterday was Fast and Testimony Meeting. For those who don't know it's usually the first Sunday of the month, and during our Sacrament Meeting the members are invited to stand at the pulpit and speak about what they believe in. It's a really great way to build each other up as children of God.
As some of you know I'm not a very shy person. However, when it comes to public speaking and hearing my voice amplified...I'm a huge chicken. Saturday night I kind of decided that I was going to try and do the testimony thing the next day. So I'm sitting in church and there was this huge gap between people...no one would get up and give me a chance to say, "Ok...after this person I'll go." So here I am having this inner struggle about getting up to speak and finally someone got up. As I'm listening to this testimony I decide to say a little prayer to be able to go up and speak without passing out. Then suddenly I was on my feet and walking towards the front of the room...then the other girl was finished with her testimony and there I was. I looked down and there was a big black microphone staring at me. I looked forward and realized that there were a TON of people at church! Dang. So I open my mouth and say my part. It wasn't very big...just a little blurb about saying prayers, and how I know that they'll be answered if you have real intent.
The best part was when I sat back down in my seat after I was done. I felt this calming assurance wash over me. I smiled because I knew that the Lord had answered my prayer about being able to speak in front of everyone (about prayer ironically) without losing it.
On a more personal note: Oh dang!!!!! D....I can't even begin to explain how great it is :)

"The waiting is the hardest part."

So I was listening to a song last night that took me on a walk down memory lane. I sent a link to my friend so they could listen to it too. He laughed and told me the song* was ridiculous, and the singer even more "goofy." I then continued to explain the reason why I love the song. The memories of hanging out with my mom during the day when my older sister was at school. Dancing and singing this song at the tops of our lungs. Getting out the mini trampoline and dancing on that so I could try to be as tall as my mom. Good times!

I had a completely separate conversation with another friend about something similar. We spoke about our favorite smells. The reason we love these smells is because each one invokes a different good memory. For him it was the smell of leather in his car, pine trees around Christmas time, and airplane fuel. These all brought back good memories: when he bought his car, times with family, and his passion for flying airplanes (respectively). Mine also brought back memories. Kool-aid - those hot childhood summer days playing in the front yard with my friends and Mom bringing us refreshment, Sam's paws - the day I brought her home from the pound, and sauteed garlic and onions - my cooking classes back in high school.

So basically what I'm getting at here is this: take time to make memories. If something is "good" savor it. Take time to be excellent, extreme, and infinite. Break the rules now and then. Make friends that go out of their way to be ridiculous! Just because life is hard (as it is for most people) doesn't mean that it has to be all the time...when those moments happen grab onto them and don't let them go. Sometimes when things are hardest we can make things easier on ourselves by remembering simpler days.

Enjoy the now for later.

*Incidentally, the song I was listening to is found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anCg5EiB2AM

"That kind of love was the killin kind."

I don't know if it's because I dream of grandeur, or if I'm delusional from watching too much Grey's Anatomy......
but I want to be a Doctor.

"And it's never felt like this before. It's never felt like home."

So as you may have read in my last blog my mind has been busy lately. I've decided to make some really important changes in my life, and I'm super excited about them. They are as follows:
1. Growing my hair out long. Upon first glance you may ask yourself, "Why is this an important change?" Well, if you don't already know I have never had long hair. When my hair gets to be about as long as my chin I get pretty nervous and cut it all off. Not this time though. I think I need to do this in order to strengthen my resolve in setting goals.
2. I'm going back to school. This one is pretty obvious about why it's important. I was watching a TV show about doctors the other day, and I realized that they had a pretty important job. Doctors, that is...not actors. On a daily basis they're working to save lives. About the most important thing I do in my profession is make management look good so they can get their bonuses. Lame. So I'm going back to school. My goal is to have enough money by Spring of 2010 to go back. I'm still toying with what I want to do from E.S.L. teacher to nurse practitioner. There's a whole slew of options I'm considering, but that's the best part...that I have options. :)
3. I'm taking a time-out on dating. I've always been pretty straight forward and aggressive when it came to dating. However, I'm taking a new approach. No dating. None. If a guy asks me on a date I'll say yes, but as far as being serious with anyone...I just don't think I'm ready for multiple reasons. It's time to become comfortable being with me, and when I can achieve that, then I can work on becoming comfortable with someone else.
-Also-
Whilst I was doing all of this thinking I figured something out.
In a good relationship there's a distinct difference between love and commitment. What is love? (Baby don't hurt me) Love is ignoring faults. Love is passion. Love is difficult. Love is a feeling; an emotion. Love comes from being "in love." Love is understanding someone for who they are, and accepting that they aren't perfect. Love is the thing in relationships that lasts long after you've discovered the other person's dirt. Can we have love without commitment? What is commitment? Commitment is honesty. Commitment is trust. Commitment is honoring and respecting someone beyond yourself. See the thing is...I think you can be "in love" without commitment. And I think you can be committed to someone that you don't love. But to truly love someone...like the capital L kind of Love...I think total commitment is required. If you don't have that, then how can you say you really love someone?
This all made a lot more sense in my head, and as I'm writing it now I find that I'm not saying what I want to say...but oh well.