"This beauty is now clear to me."

Things I am thankful for (in no specific order):

• family: mom, dad, holly, gramma, andrea, kaden, quinn, ava, kurt...etc
• the gospel
• my dog :) Sam
• fooood! (turkey!)
• a house
• my job
• my car
• heat in my house, job and car
• music
• naps
• friends!
• life
• trials
• clothes
• shoes :) :)
• the smells of thanksgiving
• leaves that are extra crunchy
• Lifetime movies that play Thanksgiving day
• freedom of religion
• my scriptures
• support
• rain
• sun
• band-aids
• tv
• my bed
• my room
• my health
• two eyebrows (uni's are yucky!)
• hope
• love
• slumber parties with old friends

There's SO SO much more, but I probably won't be able to stay awake for it all...I'm slowly drifting into a turkey-induced coma. :)

Happy Thanksgiving, all. I hope it was a good one.

"There's nothing to cry about because we'll hold each other soon."

I think there's some law of averages or something that says eventually Valerie will be allowed to be happy. When is that? I try so stinkin hard...and i'm just so frustrated and tired of being upbeat and positive. And when my friends get significant others or a really excellent job I'm there to support them. I'm sorry friends if lately it seems like I'm not super excited for you. And i'm sorry for this blog. Basically I'm complaining until my fingers are numb. I wish I could see the timeline of my life and just jump to the day that I get to be happy again.
I'm sorry you had to read this, but I don't complain about much these days (besides work).
I just needed to vent for a few seconds.

"When you lose something you can't replace, when you love someone but it goes to waste."

Today is November 24th and it's raining outside. How fitting.

Today is a day of reflection. The Columbus Crew won the MLS cup yesterday. A few weeks ago President-elect Obama was chosen to lead our country. Last month I dressed up as Luigi and went to a costume party. A few months before that I was called to be a CTR6 teacher. Even further back still I bought a dog named Sammich. I got my job at Dick's Sporting Goods in March. February 14th I received a very special gift for Valentine's Day that failed to do what it was intended for. December 31st I celebrated New Year's with someone I couldn't bear to be away from. And one year ago today... well yeah, one year ago today was one year ago today.
Looking back, what have I learned?
How is my quality of life?
Was it worth it?
Would I have been happier making some of these decisions differently?
Why am I at where I'm at?
Why do I feel this way?

Today is November 24th and it's raining inside. How fitting.

"Cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea, but I'd rather be here than on land."

This blog, like many others I've written, starts out with a conversation I had with a friend.

I was discussing with a co-worker first impressions. We were mainly talking about some new girls that were hired on recently. Though, at one point in the conversation I asked him what his first impressions of me when I started were.

He said this and that about physical appearance and other non-substantial things. The thing that really stuck with me had a little more weight. It was much more eloquent than I have the energy to be, but basically he said that I have a big heart. :)

That was very sweet.

The thing that I noticed was after he told me that I went out of my way to try to help people. I started going above and beyond my "norm." So I tried an interesting experiment today. It's simple, and it's probably something we should do anyway. I complimented people. Nothing huge. Just an "I appreciate this" or "you did really good on that." I was pleased to see the same outcome that I had seen in my own self. It makes me wonder...

Are we all just wandering through our lives looking for vindication? Do we "perform better" when we think other people are watching/appreciating us?

When you were a child did you ever get praised for doing something well/right? Afterward how did you feel? Did you smile and try hard to impress that person again? On the flip side; when we don't notice someone's efforts how do they feel? Do they hurt when they work extra hard and get no recognition?.... Definitely something to keep in mind, yeah?

"So maybe I've got a lot to learn."

I have a very interesting topic today. It can't really be summed up in one word or phrase so I'm just going to dive right in.

My friend and I have encountered a problem. There are these two guys we've known for a good number of years. As long as we've known them we've pretty much despised them. We met them in high school and rue the day our paths crossed. As Elizabeth Bennett would say they are, "most intolerable."
Let me paint a picture for you:
Guy #1

• womanizer
• publicly embarrassed people
• prideful
• was known to start fist fights over petty issues
• jumped to conclusions about people based on first impressions and appearance

Guy #2

• womanizer
• spoke poorly about people behind their backs
• used girls to get to other girls
• hated people without reason/explanation
• unfriendly

Both of these guys at one point in time very personally offended my friend and me in one way or another. I avoid detail to keep embarrassment at bay. However, the point is they both went away for a couple of years. While they were gone we all grew up (as people do with the passing of time). We were recently forced to see these people again.

This is where the story gets interesting... They're NICE people! They have completely and totally changed from the guys we knew in high school. They're humble, sweet, caring... WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!? They've both gone out of their way to be nice to my friend and me. They've done things completely out of character for them and totally rocked the foundation of our worlds! We find ourselves wondering if this is allowed or even fair. It caught us completely off guard.

The questions it brings up are: Why aren't we happy? Shouldn't we embrace the new, nicer versions of these boys?

But instead we're scared. It's making us uncomfortable and nervous. We're just waiting for these boys to turn on us; lull us into a false sense of security and WHAM!...pain. I mean, let's hope that doesn't happen... but haven't they abused our trust in the past? Why should we trust them now? Should we give them the benefit of the doubt? We've both grown up, why wouldn't it make sense for them to have as well?

Aren't people strange? Then again, are we the strange ones for being so confused? :)

"Straighten up your tie and take the microphone"

What if I was told I only had a year to live? What would I do? Who would I spend my time with?

I don't think I'm the only one that thinks about these things, but lately the importance of not taking life for granted has really been brought back to me.

Live in the moment. Let people know how you feel. Hold on tight to precious moments.

I think that's one reason why the gospel is so important in my life. It gives me purpose and explains what this life is about. It comforts me to know what's in store for after this life. Gives me hope and endless joy in my life.

A really important lesson I learned this past week is: Look for inspiration in those that are closest to us... even if we don't really know them. Along with that, maybe our problems aren't so bad. Are they going to matter tomorrow? A week from now? Why stress over little things when in the grand scheme of things they just don't matter? Isn't the point of life happiness and enjoying our time here? Shouldn't we spend our time trying to make other peoples' lives wonderful? I think so.

"Imagine there's no heaven It's easy if you try No hell below us Above us only sky Imagine all the people Living for today... Imagine there's no countries It isn't hard to do Nothing to kill or die for And no religion too Imagine all the people Living life in peace...You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one I hope someday you'll join us And the world will be as one Imagine no possessions I wonder if you can No need for greed or hunger A brotherhood of man Imagine all the people Sharing all the world... You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one I hope someday you'll join us And the world will live as one." -John Lennon

"I backed my car into a cop car the other day Well he just drove off sometimes life's ok I ran my mouth off a bit too much oh what can i say Well you just laughed it off it was all ok And we'll all float on ok And we'll all float on any way well Well, a fake Jamaican took every last dime with a scam It was worth it just to learn from sleight-of-hand Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands Good news will work its way to all them plans We both got fired on the exactly the same day Well we'll float on good news is on the way And we'll all float on ok Already we'll all float on Now don't worry we'll all float on Alright already we'll all float on Alright don't worry we'll all float on Alright don't worry even if things end up a bit to heavy we'll all float on alright Ok don't worry we'll all float on Even if things get heavy we'll all float on Don't you worry we'll all float on" -Ben Lee

"I'm here and I'm ready and I saved you the passenger seat."

"We don't accept more, we don't expect less.
We appear to give it all when we're just trying to express.
That, 'we accept the love we think we deserve.'
We are one, we are none, we is him, we is her...
It's a thought, an idea of a person's personality,
a mask of their individuality.
Mistakes are made and scars form fast, but it's hard to see...
what lies beneath when you're looking through the glass.
What you've yet to realize is you're looking at a mirror.
They see in you what you see in them,
and to them it's just as clear.
You all shall share this common fear,
that no one comes close... no one comes near...
to what you've been to yourself these past 20 years."
-Nick Woodburn

"You're in my dreams. You tuck me in.
Every moment we've had has been inexplicably perfect.
You make me smile, and laugh, and weep with joy.
But what if that's not enough?
I'm running out of excuses for where you are.
It's like an unquenchable thirst when I'm not talking to you.
You're in my thoughts constantly and everyone knows how I feel.
You're the most beautiful person alive.
No one person has ever made me feel like you do!
(and no one ever will)
Anything is possible when I'm talking to you.
But it's not enough!
I want to touch you, I want to hold your face in my hands.
I want to kiss you. To feel your hand in mine.
I would give anything.
I want to see your eyes narrow in disbelief...
and your nose crinkle in disgust.
I want to experience every moment with you.
I want to feel your arm around my waist, your breath on my cheek, your lips against mine.
I want to run my hands through your hair and laugh with you.
I want to embarrass myself while trying to impress you!
(and then have you hold me as my shame subsides)
I want to spend quiet moments alone with you just listening...
and I want to scream with delight when I open the door and see you standing there!
I want to wrap your arms around me and to whisper in your ear.
Where are you?
Why haven't I found you?
Are you looking for me?
I want you near me. Beside me. This love is too huge to keep separated.
You're in my dreams, and you whisper, "Goodnight."'
-Anonymous

"does anyone knock when they barge in to beat her down?"

I'm on a retreat.
A getaway.
A hiatus.
:)
It's lovely.
Just chilling out here in the woods... it's really beautiful out here. It makes me feel SO relaxed!! :D As soon as I got here I pigged out on beef, potatoes and carrots. OH man! As soon as I opened the door I could smell it cooking, and it tasted even better than it smelled. :) Then we all sat around and watched movies on the projector. Strictly comedies ;) Then we ate some more food...kinda like shepherd's pie...not sure what it was...but still good! There's nothing like eating comfort food and throwing logs into a potbelly stove to keep you warm. We watched the snow fall, and I got to meet a new puppy! Played with her a ton. Watched some more movies. Tomorrow morning we're going to go get breakfast and go for a morning hike and then I go to get my cast off.
It's the little things in life that mean the most to us...
This mini-vacation is EXACTLY what I needed.

"I'm dressed all in blue and I'm remembering you."

I had this discussion with a friend of mine the other night. How long do you put up with someone disrespecting you before you take a stand and say it's not okay? My friend's response was: I think it depends on how much you love someone and what they mean to you. I've run into a sticky situation at work. I have a department manager who...shall i say is not qualified. I won't go into detail or use names, but I've come to the point where it's about time to draw the line. I understand that I may take a few shots for this (i.e. hours cut, department transfer) but when is enough, enough? It hurts to hear co-workers tell me what's going on. I need to take responsibility for it.

I once saw a sign in front of a church that said: "We were not called to be lawers, judges or jury, but instead to be witnesses." I love that quote. It really stuck with me.

It makes me wonder where the balance is. When do i draw the line? When do I blow the whistle on what's happening? Who am I to decide something needs to be done?

But today I decided that enough is enough. Not only is this affecting me, but it's hurting people I value as great workers and friends. The time has come for someone to take a stand, and if it needs to be me...so be it. :) Heck maybe it'll all turn out just great and I'll get a promotion!

"I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh"

The beauty of friends...

No let me be more specific.

The beauty of

really REALLY good friends is they smile when you experience joy, and they cry when you go through sorrow. They offer a shoulder to cry on, or a hand to high-five. They hug, they smile, they cry, and they listen whenever you need it.

I've had the opportunity of having some pretty spectacular friends over the years. Especially now, in this crucial time in my life when I'm going through all these changes and experiencing new things.

I've got my boys. :) Those who know me best know how important my boys are to me. It's a very close friendship with these boys that makes me believe one day I'll find that special someone that won't take me for granted. I know those kind of people are out there.

I have my friends in Utah. I don't see much of them these days, but they are still dear to my heart. Whenever I see their name on my caller id or inbox a huge smile spreads across my face. Those are the kind of friends you travel across the country a couple times a year to visit.

Then there's my ladies. I don't have very many female friends. I just tend to get along better with boys, but there are a select few VERY important girl-friends in my life. Girls that would travel across the country with/for me. Girls that have seen me through some of my darkest times. Girls who have seen me embarrass the crap out of myself! Girls who love me unconditionally like family.

Friends are so important. Let us not take our friends for granted.

"we're living in a den of theives; it's contagious"

I'd like to give a shout out to my boys in yellow: William Hesmer, Robbie Rogers and the rest of the Columbus Crew!
CONGRATULATIONS COLUMBUS CREW!!! YOU'VE EARNED IT!!!

"I started smiling because you were smiling"

What does it mean to be a good friend?
I had an interesting discussion with a very close friend last night. He's no longer on speaking terms with a mutual friend of ours. His reasoning was because she would not do him a simple favor. I asked what the favor was and he proceeded to tell me, ending with saying that he only wants friends he could count on.
Let me first say that the favor he was asking was indeed small, but seemed a little immaterial. I wasn't positive about why he would end such a great friendship with someone over something so silly.

I brought up the fact that he had forgot to wish me a happy birthday this last week. It was an important birthday being my 21st and all. I expected birthday wishes from him considering the closeness of our friendship. When he actually got around to remembering my birthday he just sort of dismissed it. It really hurt me a lot.

So my question for him was: Should I forgive you?
"It's up to you," says he with a small apology for forgetting my birthday.
But the real topic of the evening was: Maybe in order to have great friends, you should be one first.

I had a real hard time feeling sorry for him. He asked me to in turn do this "favor" for him. I obliged, but only because it meant a lot to him. Afterward I really contemplated some of my other friendships.
How often do we find ourselves in friendships with people where we feel like we care more for the individual than they care about us?
How often are other people in a situation where they feel they care more about me than I do them?
Do I show my friends the love they deserve? When something is important to them, do I come through?

It all boils down to this: Treat others the way you would like to be treated. I think the world could be a pretty bodacious place if people did that more often.

"I ain't freakin, I ain't fakin this"

Inspiration comes in all shapes, sizes, smells, and styles. It might come in a dream or from a song. It could come from watching the news, or from the lid of your apple juice bottle. Today, for me, inspriation comes from a dear friend. It's thanks to this friend that I set up this blog. Thank you, Paul McHardy.
But enough about him, I'm here to blog ;)
I finished reading an auto-biography about a wrestler today. It was a decent read. To be honest I wasn't expecting any great work of prose or profound statements on the meaning of life, but I was surprised at some of the things I learned. I'm not going to go into detail about those things because that's not what I want to write about today.

Upon reading this book I came to an interesting realization. The author was a high school drop-out. His grammar was often times incorrect, and I imagine if the book hadn't gone through an editor there would have been many a spelling error. Yet here was this book in my hands for the world to read. Why? Because it was about someone famous. Someone important in the "Sports Entertainment Industry." The world wants to know about this person.
Who wants to know about me?
If I were to write an auto-biography who would pick it up?
I like to think that I've lived a pretty interesting life. I have been through some experiences that I think people would like to hear about. Would my life be interesting enough to merit publication? I say if Dave Batista can write about himself for all to read then so can Valerie Mizer.
So with these thoughts I got online. I read my friend Paul's blog...about sports, about getting old, about voting. In his own way, Paul was writing a biography of his life. The even more stunning thing; people read it!

To make a long story short, this is my life as it is. I'm going to write. I don't care who reads, but here it is. I hope you enjoy :)