"This little girl, she grew up and moved away."

BLOG NUMBER 2:
500 gallons is a lot of water...
I would like to describe for my gentle-readers the definition of a hot-mess.
In iambic pentameter.
At 5:15 a.m. I laid my weary head down for what was sure to be the most disappointing sleep of my month. How many times can you hit the snooze button before it becomes pathetic? My mom knocks/opens my door at 10:45.
"Valerie, it's after 10:30...normally you've showered by now."
"I'm not showering today."
"Okay, do you have your alarm set?"
"Kind of."
The door shuts
*Scene*
Finally at 11:00 a.m. I prise myself from my covers. I stood in the same spot in my room for about 5 minutes trying to figure out what was stopping me from calling off work. It was like some cosmic force. My mind was made up. No work today! But for some reason the action of picking up my phone and dialing into work was not in the cards. I opened the door of my room and shuddered as the cold air from the rest of the house hit me. How did I manage to take my socks off while sleeping yet again? I stumble up the stairs like a rouge pinball bumping into the walls as I go. I manage to make it into the bathroom, and relieve myself without any outrageous happenings. Before I begin getting ready for work I take a look at myself in the bathroom mirror, and I do not like what I see.
My ponytail has half fallen out. Makeup left over from yesterday is smeared across my left cheek, and creases from my pillow across the right. A rather thick stream of snot is running out of my nose. My half tucked in shirt hides the fact that I have a wedgie reminiscent of one of Jim Carey's more successful movies: Ace Ventura Pet Detective. I let out a great sigh of disappointment and think to myself, "I should've taken a shower."
No time for should've's. So I wipe the snot from my nose on my right sleeve, turn out the light and make my way back to my room to begin my transformation.
I take what's left of my ponytail out of it's elastic prison and let my hair fall to my shoulders. I give it a good lookin' at and decide that brushing it is just out of the question. Back it goes, up into an unforgiving, messy bun. The pillow creases on the right side of my face are quickly turning into a distant memory. Removing yesterday's makeup and applying today's is no problem. Makeup and I understand each other. The offending stream of snot is back, and the thought occurs to me, "Could I be getting sick?"
And I sneeze. Hypochondria is no laughing matter.
It's now that I realize I probably should've done laundry as I have no clean clothes to wear to work. I'm also noticing a cold chill creeping up my back. I bet it's that cold I developed a few seconds prior. I go rooting through my dirty laundry and find three potential pairs of pants for work. I give each of them a good smell, and choose the ones that smell the least like dead raccoon (hobby of mine). I put them on and realize they could use some ironing. I turn on my straightening iron for my hair, and give each pant leg a pass from the straightener. It doesn't really work. Oh well, not going for perfection here...mostly just aiming for function. I feel like I have a fever. I wonder to myself how I contracted swine flu only moments earlier. I decide to bundle up since I'm ill and put on a couple sweaters. As I step out of my room, dressed for...well I was just grateful to be dressed...I realize that my entire outfit doesn't match. Another shrug. I go up the stairs and take the bathroom mirror on for a second time.
Greasy, stringy hair in a messy bun. Wrinkly pants. Blood shot eyes with massive dark circles underneath. The a'fore mentioned tribute of snot making another guest appearance on my face. You might be asking yourself, "Why does Valerie describe herself as looking so haggard?"
Well this, my friends, is how you make a hot-mess.
I asked a question earlier in this blog. How many times can you hit the snooze button before it becomes pathetic?
The answer is 9.

"Little girl why are you crying? Just because the flowers in your garden are dying."

I have two very different blogs to write tonight.
BLOG NUMBER 1:
I am continuously impressed with you. The world keeps throwing you curve balls and you rise. You're far from home, the only member in your family, very new to this thing called being a Mormon...you have so many questions, you've been in several car accidents, you had a friend screw you out of a lot of money, a pipe burst in your apartment spewing hundreds of gallons of water everywhere...you have every excuse in the world to give up, and do what's "easy."
And yet, you don't.
You stick to it.
Even when it's hard, and life just seems like it's never going to get any easier. I don't know the pain you're going through because you bear it all with such dignity. You smile and you continue to serve. How do you do it?
I'm so immensely grateful for your friendship and your influence in my life. You have no idea what it means to me to see you keep on fighting even when those around you who were the first members you had contact with are no longer active. Even though those missionaries that were eternally important to you are gone.
I can't imagine what you've gone through since you decided to make that choice of immersion, but I know this...you're obviously a big deal if the adversary is trying this hard to make your life difficult, and there is always...always a trial of your faith before the miracle. I promise.
And I love you. Thank you. You are so beautiful, and I am SO glad that you didn't settle.

"Time to play B-sides."

"How are you? I never ask.
In my own life is where I bask.
You must have thoughts, concerns, or doubts.
I can only guess what they're about.
This world it seems is upside down.
It's hard to know where truth is found.
We get attacked from all sides,
And then our fate we must decide.
We get a choice of two different ways,
Sometimes a decision can take us days.
We often choose the lesser course,
Then feel too late our "friend, remorse.
If we would only come to thee,
And ask for help, then we'd be free.
You always offer honesty,
A pain-free path and clarity.
If we stay our course and wander not,
We'll find the truth we've often sought.
What strikes me strange in all of this,
Is picking momentray happiness instead of endless bliss.
Why can't we see the road before?
Why don't we answer when you're at the door?
I find it odd we don't ask thy aide.
When it's what we need most, every single day."

"Bar keep get me a drink, that's when she caught my eye."

So I'd like to share with my faithful blog readers a day in the life of an Exel Direct Scheduler.
*Phone rings* *Phone rings*
Customer: Hello?
Valerie: Hi, is this Sandra?
Sandra: No, you have the wrong number.
Valerie: Are you sure?
Sandra: Quite sure. No Sandra here.
V: Really? Because this is Exel Direct, delivery service for Pottery Barn.
S: ...Oh. Then yes. This is Sandra. I thought you were a telemarketer.
V: Nope. Just calling to schedule your delivery.
S: Okay, what day do you have?
V: Can I verify your address first please?
S: Yes, it's 1-2-8-6 Supolveda Street. Spelled S-U-P-O-L-V-E-D-A. That's in Galveston Texas. Spelled G-A-L-V-E-S-T-O-N Texas. 4-4-3-0-7.
V: Okay, we're showing our first available date for delivery is going to be...Thursday, Decemeber 17th. Would that work for you?
S: Oh. It's that far out?
V: Yeah...sorry, around Christmas we get kinda busy.
S: Could I have it this weekend? The 12th?
V: Uh, no. The 17th is our first available.
S: What about the 16th?
V: Nope. That route is full.
S: Well, I guess I'm going to have to make it work then. *siiiiiiIIIIGGGGGgghhhhhh*
V: Alright, so I'll put you down for...
S: What time are they going to be delivering?
V: Uh, they'll call you the day before to give you a two hour time frame of when they'll be in your area.
S: Oh, okay. Well thank you!
V: Oh, uhm ma'am, could you tell me of a major intersection near your home?
S: A major what?
V: Intersection.
S: There isn't one.
V: Well, it can be like a mile or two away, and if you can't think of an intersection a cross-street will do.
S: We live out in the sticks, honey. There aren't any streets nearby.
V: I can pull it up on Mapquest, hold on.
S: Oh well there's Main Street. Main Street and Buffalo Ranch Speedway. Spelled M-A-I-N Street. And Buffalo B-U-F-F-A-L-O Ranch, R-A-N-C-H...
V: Is this a gated community?
S: A what?
V: A gated community.
S: I'm not sure I know what you're saying.
V: Do you live in a gated subdivision or neighborhood?
S: Well, there are gates in our neighborhood.
V: Do we have to access a gate to get into your neighborhood.
S: Oh, yes.
V: Okay how do we get through the gate?
S: You take Main Street and turn left onto Buff...
V: No, do we need an access code or a phone number to get through the gate?
S: No, there isn't a gate. You just drive into our subdivision.
V: Are we going up or down any stairs for this delivery?
S: No.
V: Okay, looks like...
S: WELL, we do have like 4 or 5 steps going into the house, but those are just porch steps.
V: ...Okay, looks like we have you set up for delivery then on the 17th. Like I said they'll call you...
S: And what time did you say they were going to deliver?
V: Uh, they'll call you the day before with a 2 hour window of when they'll be in the area.
S: And what windows do I have available?
V: I'm not sure, they'll call you the day before to confirm times with you.
S: Oh, that's right, you said that earlier.
V: Yes. I did. Okay is there anything else I can do for you?
S: Well, can I give you another number to call for that window?
V: Sure, go ahead
S: 6-1-4-5-5-5-2-4-2-4
V: ...that's the number that I just called you at.
S: Oh, yes. It is I'm sorry. 5-5-5-2-3-2-3
V: And that's a 614 area code?
S: No.
V: ... And the are code is?
S: 614.
V: Okay. I've got you set up. Anything else I can do ma'am?
S: No, so they'll call the day before with my window, and if the window doesn't work I can just pick another day then?
V: Sure.
S: Okay. Oh, and if anyone cancels can you put me down on the list to have an earlier date?
V: Sure.
S: Oh, and I can only accept delivery after 5pm on Thursdays.
V: Okay. I'll make a note of that.
S: Thank you.
V: Well, you have a nice evening Ma'am.
S: Thank you! You have...
*Call over*

"But remember, be careful what you do. 'Cause I'm not bulletproof."

"Hello again, are you still there?

I need a friend, someone who cares.

It might seem small, I don't ask for much,

A warm embrace, from friendly touch.

I know that if I ask you to,

You'll heal my pain, it's what you do.

You love me more than anyone,

You're always there, you never run.

And when I have my deepest doubts,

You help me see what life's about,

I've fallen into darkest night,

But through your love I'm bathed in light.

You died for me, and felt my pain.

Then paved the way, and rose again.

Help me see that the road ahead,

has hope for me, please take my hand.

I know that through your endless grace,

I can overcome, and win this race.

Thank you dearly for tonight,

I knew you'd make me feel alright.

This time we've spent was not the first,

And next time I'll be just as sure.

I'll know that when I come to thee,

That thou has blessings just for me."